My Dog Tulip (2009) | Man's Best Friend As Bitch

author and bitch pal

From the minds of co-directors and co-screenwriters, husband-and-wife team Paul and Sandra Fierlinger, springs forth an animated adaptation of J. R. Ackerley's novel of the same name, an ode to the timeless relationship between man and canine.  

Having adopted Tulip, an energetic german shepherd bitch, while well into his middle age, Ackerley's emotional attachment to his pet serves not only, to paraphrase Ackerley, to subsume his unquenched yearnings for a life companion, but also grows into something that gives rise to the beautiful, thoughtful, and lucidly composed prose that is essentially the screenplay of this film.

In this way, My Dog Tulip plays like an animated spoken word performance, but it is one that occurs with such mastery of the language and with such observationally derived insight that somehow you feel transported, mentally elevated by some higher level of (symbolic) communication.  

With Ackerley's text as their base, the Fierlinger's visual interpretation of the spoken word is so clever as to add great depth to the inner dialogue provoked as Tulip unfolds.  Collars, for instance, are shown leashed to humans as a symbol of our tendency to want to control loved ones not too dissimilarly from the expected manner we do with our four-legged friends. 

Stylistically speaking, great visual innovations were not obtained, though the Fierlinger's use of the paperless production process known as TVPaint Animation to produce this level quality a feature length film does bear mentioning. 

Notably, Isabella Rosellini lends her voice to the work, as does the late Lynn Redgrave, who died in May of this year and for whom the picture is dedicated, all quite befitting what is a consummately tender, compelling, and erudite poem of love. 

dir. Paul and Sandra Fierlinger

My Dog Tulip official site.

Ice Spiders (2007) | Just Another Good Bad Movie

From the get-go it's clear that Ice Spiders has the hallmarks of being an entertainingly bad movie.  In this made-for-tv production, oversized, computer-generated, mutant spiders --freshly escaped from the secret government lab that created them-- begin attacking the folks enjoying the wintery wonderland that are the snow covered peaks of some mountains somewhere.  

Par for the course, much suspension of disbelief is demanded.  Even so, as the opening pair of hunters (who in turn become the hunted -a ha!) are chased down by one of the arachnids, it begs the question: How the hell is it scientifically possible for this freak spider to operate so well in those cold temperatures?   Explanations for everything eventually arrive, not a surprise for a film that strikes every conceivable conventionalism, and concludes with a slam-bam, guy-gets-girl, happily-ever-after, all's-well-that-ends-well close.  

Perhaps 80s tv screenwriter/ producer (most notably of The A-Team) Stephen J. Cannell lent psychic influence on the screenplay with his presence in his supporting cast role of resort director.  Patrick Muldoon and (the other) Vanessa Williams are the principles.  Muldoon as Dash --the resort's ski instructor-- is a former olympic qualifier whose career became sideswiped by injury.  Williams, meanwhile, plays good scientist Dr. April Sommers, an employee at the secret mountaintop lab that the spiders escaped from.  Joining them are the US olympic ski team, originally there for pre-games training.  It's with all the charm of the Scooby-Doo gang that this unlikely ensemble endure calamity, while tossing around surfer-dude, snow-bunny slang.

Going out of the way to find this dud may be unwarranted, yet in the vast slew pool of irredeemably bad Sci Fi Channel original movies, Ice Spiders is pretty fun(ny). 

dir. Tibor Takács

Madonna: Innocence Lost (1994)

Much akin in terms of unintentional comedic content to Showgirls (1995), the made-for-tv docudrama Innocence Lost never gleaned the cult following Elizabeth Berkley's vehicle did, though it's as rich a source of hilarious quotables ("One day you'll be opening doors for me.").

Also entertaining is its 90s slant on 80s fashion.  Though leather jackets, mini-skirt-over-leggings, and enormous hair bows keep popping up, it's all done up quite 90210.

Of additional value are the songs, all of them presumably pre-Like a Virgin --that single's release being the movie's culminating moment.  None of these songs are recognizable and strangely feel like slightly altered versions of other hits, just adding to the film's weird fun.

Madonna look-alike Terumi Matthews' performance is just ok, not nearly as laughable as Showgirls' Berkley precisely because Matthews (unlike Berkley) is expected as Madonna to play it over the top.   In terms of delivery and conviction, she really owns it.  Nevertheless, much as Matthews gyrates, mimicking trade mark moves by rote, she can't shake the performance free of an underlying current of sadness, the sort that Hollywood Boulevard Michael Jackson impersonators sometimes evoke.

Wendie Malik as Camille Barbone, Madonna's first manager, is a refreshing presence, somewhat legitimizing the film's acting calibre, even as she finds herself awash in bizarre trappings of cloying dykiness --the short, spiky, jet-black hair, the jealous treatment of Madonna, the dogs!-- though that's part of the movie's good fun and charm, of course. 

All in all, Innocence Lost delivers light, silly fun, and would make top choice for perfectly mindless entertainment.